Alex, Overlord of Evil
by Tetra Seleno
Summary: Alex desperately wants to join the Evil Overlords of Evil. However, they don't want him in - unless he can prove how evil he is in 2 weeks. Day 5: Alex takes a break from the evil conquest and focuses on more important matters. Like his hair.
1. Rejection

Okay…this was just a random idea that came to me today, and I liked it so much that I just had to share it with you guys. ^_^. Don't worry about muse convos, I got Amarant to lock them ( i.e. Flint and Kindle ) behind my door, so I'm safe…for now.

Amarant: …

And Amarant never talks much at all, so we're good for some good ol' humor I say ol' chaps.

Disclaimer: Ookami MX does in fact not own Golden Sun. He also doesn't own the various villains who shall show up in this lil' fic; said villains belong to their respected owners. Please, don't sue. I'll give you a cookie if you don't!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Today was not a good day for one Alex of Imil. So far, he had destroyed several villages, wiped out several endangered species, stepped on a few bugs, and littered. Why, you ask?

They had rejected him. 

Again.

For the fifth time in a row.

But, who are "they", you might ask? "They" are the Evil Overlords of Evil, an organization formed by several Very Bad Men who were becoming quite lonely over the years. After all, living in your Evil Overlord Lair gets rather, well, lonely and boring. The Evil Overlords doubles as a society for villains with problems such as Hero Eradication 101, the Art of the Evil Laugh, and Dastardly Plans Honors. Only the most elite Evil Overlords – the crème de la crème – were accepted into the highest ranks of the society, and become Evil Overlords of Evil.

Naturally, Alex was frustrated.

He slammed his fist down on his trailer desk in fury. "Why do they keep rejecting me?! I'm evil enough, aren't I?"

"Perhaps you're just trying too hard, Ali," said a voice.

"I told you not to call me that, Saturos."

Indeed, from out of the convenient shadows of Alex's trailer emerged Saturos, in all his bishy glory. Now, you all must be thinking he's dead. He is, or er, was. The power of fanfiction has many benefits, you know. But enough of that.

Alex sat down in his desk, and entered the Gendo Position.* "I simply don't understand it, Saturos. What am I doing wrong?!"

"Perhaps you're just not evil enough?"

Alex shot him a glare. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm _far_ more evil than that Seymour fellow, wouldn't you agree?"

"True. I don't really see him as evil."

Alex rose from his seat again. "Of course he isn't. He's a pedophile*."

"…oh."

Alex sighed, and proceeded to walk to his trailer exit, muttering various inaudible curses.

Saturos turned to his former cohort and good friend, "Shall I arrange a meeting with the Evil Overlords, then?"

Alex nodded, and promptly shut the trailer door in dramatic fashion.

All was silent in the trailer until finally,

"Premadonna."

-------

Through Saturos's good charm ( and rabid fangirl backing ), he was able to convince the Evil Overlords of Evil to meet with Alex in order to discuss the situation. The Evil Overlords promised that they would send 5 of their members to discuss the problem with Alex, and Alex alone.

So here was our blue-haired Alchemy-powered wonder, who just happened to randomly be poofed into some Dark and Scary place. Once again, the power of fanfiction has no limits. But enough of _that._

"Um…hi." Said Alex, in a very un-evil way.

The sound of a raspy breath filled his ears, as the first of the 5 delegates entered his line of sight, clad in black and silver armor. _The Dark Lord, Sauron,_ thought Alex, _Pssh. He's nothing. I mean, he's got that jewelry obsession. How much stupider can you get?!_

The second of the delegates stood beside Sauron, red snake-like eyes clashing with its grey skin. _And Lord Voldemort, as well,_ thought Alex, _again, big whoooooop. My Alchemic powers could easily wipe the floor with his arcane magic._

The third of the delegates stood beside Voldemort, orange-tinted glasses somehow mysteriously - and yet cliché at the same time - glowing, and un-tamed dark-brown hair loomed before him. _So, they brought Gendo Ikari, the Bastard King*, with them as well?_ thought Alex.

Turning his head past Gendo, Alex saw the fourth delegate, who was also clad in black and silver, with flowing silvery-white hair. _And Sephiroth too? Crap. I don't need someone else cutting in on my bishounen abilities._

But the fifth and final delegate was the one that filled Alex's heart with dread and despair, and all that other fun stuff. For it was he, the creator of the Blue Screen of Death, inventor and owner of Windows, and multi-billionaire who stood next to Sephiroth. Bill Gates, evil incarnate itself. Alex resisted the urge to puke on his tunic.

It was Sauron who cleared his throat and pulled out a very fancy – yet Evil – looking document from his trousers. He cleared his throat, and his raspy – yet Evil – voice rang throughout Alex's ears. "So, Mr. Alex, it seems that you are not satisfied with our decision of declining your application to the Evil Overlords? Repeatedly?"

Alex nodded, courage and charisma quickly returning to him, as long as he didn't have to look at, listen to, or think of Bill Gates. 

"Why?" hissed Voldemort.

"Well," started Alex, "I think you made a mistake."

"Oh?" said Sauron.

"Yes. Clearly, I have the ambition, charisma, respect – from fangirls, anyway – in order to be considered an Evil Overlord."

"Bzzt! That's Bull!" shouted Sephiroth, "Ambition is a good thing, yes, as is charisma. But, respect isn't _necessarily_ factor in as a requirement for the applications."

"Exactly. Look at Gendo." Hissed Voldemort.

Gendo just went into complete Bastard Mode, and stared our intrepid hero – er, villain – down. "The information you sent us is irrelevant. Not all of us are bishounens, cool and calculating, or just downright vain."

Sauron nodded, "Agreed."

"But…" Alex stammered, "Surely you all _must_ reconsider my application!"

Then, to his horror, Bill Gates spoke, "We told you. Being a bishounen is _not_ a quality most of the Evil Overlords would want – unless you're cool, like Sephy here. Second, respect isn't necessary at all. Look at our local Bastard King, Gendo."

"I resent that." came Gendo's cold remark.

"In any case," said Sauron, "you lack certain qualities the Evil Overlords require."

"Like what?!" screamed Alex, "I absorbed the power of the Golden Sun, thus making me virtually unstoppable! Isn't that worth something?!"

Voldemort blinked. "Um…that isn't evil…that's just being power-hungry."

Alex blinked in turn. "Pardon?"

Gendo stared at the Mercury Adept. "Did you ever _do_ anything with this Alchemy power of yours?"

Silence.

The five delegates went into a huddle. When they emerged, they all began asking various questions.

"Did you attempt to permanently damage the planet and become all-powerful?"

"Did you try to steal back your precioussssss and gain the power needed to conquer the world?"

"Did you every try defeating the one person who stands in your way to power?"

"Were you ever going to eradicate humanity?"

"Was your plan to become a rich and powerful and make a program that's highly annoying?"

All were met with silence.

"I see…" said Sauron. "Well, Mr. Alex, we're willing to compromise. You have at least two weeks to use your power of Alchemy to conquer this world you call Weyard, or do some other Very Evil Thing. Failure will result in permanent rejection from the Evil Overlords of Evil, as well as a revoking of your villain license. Have a nice day!"

And in a puff of magic – yet Evil – smoke, the five delegates disappeared.

Alex slammed his fist down on the conveniently placed table ( brought to you by the power of fanfiction ) and his brow furrowed in fury. 

"No matter what it takes…" he started, "…I _will _become an Evil Overlord, _I swear it!!!_

And in the confines of Alex's trailer, Saturos, who was reading "I Was Evil but Really Good Monthy", simply blinked and stated:

"Premadonna."

-------------

_*(1) – this comes from Video Game Recaps, who stated that Seymour Guado had some pedophilic qualities for obviously having an interest in Summoner Yuna, who is at least 10 years younger than him._

_*(2) – the honorary and unofficial title given to Gendo Ikari by Evangelion fans and fanatics._


	2. Day 1: Recycle Your Paper, Please

Well, I've gotta admit…I am updating this at an unusually fast rate. Normally, it takes me a good two to three weeks for an update. But inspiration came a-knocking a few days ago, and just like * that *, this chapter came to me

I'd like to thank my reviewers who agree with me that Bill Gates is e8iL. Also, to Evil Bob: No, sorry, but I haven't read Silmarillion; I can't vouch if Morgoth is as evil as Sauron. I'm trying to include as many well-known evil people as there are.

_Also, as you may have noticed from the title…this fic goes by certain days from the 14 days Alex has to win favor with the Evil Overlords. Got it? Goooooood._

**Disclaimer:**_Refer to the first chapter. I beseech you._

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex sat in his Desk of Eviltude within the confines of the apartment he and Saturos had managed to conviently buy in the past time since last chapter – hands folded menacingly, and eyes glaring hated fully at the unpolished floor. The lights were dim, except for a single lamp illuminating Alex's features. His hair was casting a shadow across his eyes, making him look ever-the-more evil and bishounen. And if you think this is overly-melodramatic and cliché, you get a cookie!

Indeed, for no sooner had Alex been introduced to us, the apartment door opened and the lights turned on; Saturos was at the door, a newspaper and a box of doughnuts in his arms. He sighed woefully. "Alex, dude. If you're going to contact an "evil plan", you  might want to try going into a position that doesn't belong to _someone else._"

It was Alex's turn to sigh as he rose from his desk. "Really, Saturos, must you spoil my fun?" The Mercury Adept took a seat at the table.

"Always, my little lackey."

"I _told_ you, don't you _ever_ call me that."

Saturos snickered, and took a bit from his doughnuts. Alex, curious, reached for the box and read the nutrition label. In a moment or so, his expression was of complete shock.

"Saturos, look at this! Look at the amount of saturated fat these Krispy Kremes have! This is sheer villainy, I tell you, _sheer villainy!_"

Saturos chewed the doughnut in his mouth, his expression blank.

Alex sighed in frustration. "Oh, why bother? You're dead in the first place; you don't _need _to worry about clotted arteries and the like."

Saturos blinked. "You're dead, too."

"… point."

Saturos finished his doughnut and sat down in his favorite reclining leather chair, grabbing a blue-covered bound book and opening it. Alex mentally groaned; there was no point in talking to Saturos when he became engrossed in his reading. In a fit of desperation, Alex flung himself to the floor next to the chair, and entered the Groveling Position.

"_Please _help me, Satty! There's no way I can get into the Evil Overlords of Evil without some good ideas!!"

Saturos, surprisingly, lifted one eye up from his book. "Well, it's not like I'm throwing away any ideas here, man."

If this were a cartoon, a lightbulb would've appeared above Alex's head. An insane, unnerving smile spread across his lips, and his eyes glinted with insanity. "Brilliant, Satty, brilliant! Thanks for the idea!"

"But I didn't – "

Alex dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "That's nice, Saturos. Oh, how evil my plan will be!!" and just like that, he warped out of the apartment to who-knows-where.

Saturos blinked, shrugged the thought off, and went back to his beloved book.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saturos turned the next page with anticipation, his stomach knotted in a child-like wonder. The book was really getting to a good part, that it was. Unfortunately, Saturos's cell phone began to ring. ( Brought to you by the Plot Device – we make stories run smoother! ) Saturos groaned and book-marked his page. Grumbling, he unflipped his phone and put it up to his pointy Proxian ear.

"Hello?" he grumbled.

Unsurprisingly, he was met with Alex's voice on the other end. "Ah, Saturos! Quickly! Get out of your lazy posterior and make it over hear to the park! Come quickly; lo and behold my evilness…ess! Mwu ha ha…" the blue-haired bishounen's phone shut with a click.

Saturos rolled his eyes and shut his own phone._ It's going to be a looooooong day…_

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Mommy, Mommy, look! Look at that man over there!" pointed little Johnny.

Johnny's Mommy put her arms around her son, "Dearie, haven't I told you not to point at strangers? Even when they definitely are much different than you an – sweet Mars, look at his ears!!"

Saturos muttered something incoherent, and added them to his People Who Should Burn List. Were children – and basically people in general – so vain and shallow that they mocked the great Saturos?! The Proxian sighed, and dismissed it – little Johnny was just a child, after all.

But, alas, little _Jimmy_ was not so lucky.

"Look, mommy, look! That man has blue face paint!" 

Saturos's eye visibly twitched, and he snapped his fingers together. An orange ember soared over Saturos's head, and in a firey explosion, the ember, well, exploded. Saturos walked calmly in front of the flame; hair swaying dramatically.

It was so good to be bad.

The rest of Satty's venture was more-or-less uneventful, for the most part. So, if we'll just move right along…

Eventually, Saturos met Alex at the park. The Mercury Adept had a triumphant grin on his face, and scraps of crunched-up paper lay at his feet. 

"This better be good, Alex," grumbled Saturos, "Eragon starting glowing blue and everything! It was _interesting!_"*

Alex shook his head; triumphant grin still a-plastered on his face. "Oh, it will be quite worth it, Saturos! I have begun Stage 1 to my evil plant – which I have called: The Evil Plan of Evil of the Evil Overlord of Evil Alex!"

Saturos's expression remained blank. "What plan?"

Alex beamed, and dragged Saturos over to the scraps of paper. "Lo and behold, my plan!!"

"You…littered…"

"Indeed!"

"You…littered…"

"Ingenious, isn't it?" he grinned. "Come, you must see why else this is evil!" Alex dragged Saturos over to a big, white sign near the edge of the grass. In big, black, bold letters, it read:****

NO LITTERING 

**Under Penalty of Law**

Saturos was incredulous. Was Alex a complete and utter moron? He couldn't tell; he was too dumbfounded. However, he noticed something…odd about the sign, and slowly turned to his friend. "Alex…"

"Hm?" came the reply.

"Did you…read…_all_ of the sign?" His companion shrugged. "Because…well…you might wanna…"

"Move aside!" grumbled Alex, pushing Saturos out of the way. He reread the sign carefully, his azure eyes darting left and right. Upon further inspection, he realized that the sign said in big, black, bold letters:

NO LITTERING 

**Under Penalty of Law**

**All Violators _Will_ Be Terminated**

**Your lord and master,**

Frank G. Dullahan* 

Alex visibly blanched – turning into the color of chalk. His heartbeat slowed down from its excited and triumphant pace to a fearful, dreading one. "Quick, Satty!" said Alex, paying no heed to his friend's un-amusement to the name, "we must pick up the paper!!"

But it was too late. By the time Alex had bent down to pick them up, a puff of pink smoke poofed out of thin air, and lo and behold, 'twas Dullahan himself – bane of _Golden Sun _gamers everywhere. What happened next is by all means far too familiar with the said gamers. 

"I am the shadow…

The keeper of light…

Ye who seek the sun's power…

Relinquish it!"

Alex whimpered.

Dullahan raised his hand, and by some means – even for a headless guy – was able to call out the phrase "True Collide!" Within a second – perhaps two – Dullahan slammed his body into Alex, sending the frail blue-haired bishounen soaring through the Weyard skies, across five Aprils, and into the Gaia Falls abyss.

Saturos merely blinked, sighed, shrugged, and went back to his book.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

* (1) – If you've never heard of and/or never read Eragon, than you have a serious need to rethink your life. Or, you just suck. Hee.

_*(2) – This joke actually comes from two different sources: The "lord and master" part comes from illwillpress.com, an excellent excellent Flash site. The Frank G. Dullahan mostly comes from Evil Bob's "Protectors of the Plot Continuum GS Division", but I added the middle letter just so I could know that it belonged to me … slightly._

_Anyways, you know the drill: I wrote it n' post it. You read n' review it._


	3. Day 2: Evil Overlords Love Their Pizza, ...

Alright. Dude. This is awesome! I'm actually updating something in a less-than-a-month timeframe. Woo. ^^

_Soo…since I'm pretty darn sure you'd rather read the next chapter than my thanks to my reviewers, I'll save that for the end of this chapter. Mmmkay? Good._

**Disclaimer:** _Refer to Chapter One…duuuuuuuh…_

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saturos sighed wistfully, and shut his copy of _Eragon_ with glee. With Alex gone since yesterday, he actually had some peace and quiet, and finished the book with very little to no interruption. 

He chuckled to himself and took a sip of tea ( And yes, he _did_ extend his pinky finger. ) to further calm his nerves. Just thinking of Alex caused his scaly skin to sweat in fear. He mentally scolded himself. _That blue-haired bafoon is gone. He was flippin' hurled over Gaia Falls. No way he'll be coming back anytime –_

But, alas, knowing Saturos' luck to be all the more unfortunate, a beam of light materialized in the apartment, and there stood Alex, dripping wet from head to toe.

_…soon._ He cursed the gods and the spirits for being so cruel to him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Somewhere up in the heavens, Fate was laughing his ass off.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So," began Saturos, trying to sound casual, "where exactly have _you_ been?"

Alex shrugged. "I dunno. All I remember was that there was this place where everyone and their uncle was afraid of this sea monster."

Saturos cocked an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"Yeah. I tried telling them that I came from a different world, but no one believed me. Said something about a toxin or something… they even gave me this tee-shirt!" Alex pulled a tee-shirt out of his Magical Disappearing Bag ( copyright RPG Heroes ) and showed Saturos the words imprinted on the back.

_I Encountered Sin's Toxin and LIVED!!!_

Saturos blinked. "Huh. Well, I'll be darned…"

"Indeed." Alex put the tee-shirt back in the MDB.

"So…" Saturos rose from his chair and placed the tea kettle on the stove, "Any new plans?"

Alex started giggling like a schoolgirl and took a seat at the kitchen island. "Oh, yes, my friend! Yes indeed I do!"

Saturos sighed and turned to his former companion. He sat down across from Alex on the island, "I'm all elf-ears."

Alex grinned, "You'll just _love_ this idea, Satty!"

"_What _did I tell you about calling me that?"

"Er, sorry. Anyways, I am about to enter Phase II of the Evil Plan of Evil of the Evil Overlord Evil Alex. Evil."

"Which does…?"

Alex pulled the Magical Disappearing Bag out of thin air, and began rummaging through it's contents. Finally, he pulled out a rubber tire. "Putting Firestone Tires on all the children's bicycles!!"

"And that's evil … how?"

"Because the children will get into numerous accidents of inflicted pain!"

Saturos stared at his friend. The Proxian groaned and put his head in his hands. "Alex, you have the plotting skills of a Japanese schoolgirl."

Alex gasped. "You better take that _back!_"

"Make me."

"Take it back!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

"RABBLE!"

"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!"

And this continued for several hours.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, on a nearby rooftop…

A man dressed in complete ninja garb recorded Alex and Saturos' bickering via binoculars. The man smirked, and lowered the binoculars, exposing to you ( the readers ) his brown-grey skin. This was Ganondorf, the King of Evil, the Keeper of the Triforce of Power, the Gerudo King, the –

_Bzzt! Bzzt!_

Ganondorf rolled his eyes and with a puff of pink smoke, made his palm pilot appear. No sooner had he done so, he checked the message on the screen.

_Dear Ganondorf,_

_Hi! This is the author. I just wanted to say that you really don't need to give out every title to your name when you are introduced._

_Thanks!_

Ganondorf sighed and crushed the palm pilot in woe. Oh sure, it was always "Listen to the author" this and "Listen to the author" that. He wasn't the one who had to put up with his companion: a giant floating head.

Andross turned his, er, head towards Ganondorf's direction. "You sure you getting all this?"

"Yessir."

"Good!" cackled Andross. "Soon, we shall collect our data of Alex's progress and return to Evil Overlord Headquarters."

"Why the rush, sir?" asked Ganondorf.

"Fool! Tonight is Pizza Party Night!"

"Fo' shizzle?!"

"Fo sho."

"Dude!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, at the Evil Overlords of Evil Pizza Party Friday Night…( Wow, that was a mouthful… )

"So," began Sauron, in an attempt to make small talk. "what do you do for evil, Voldemort?"

Voldemort took a bite out of pizza. "Well, for one thing, we put all of our spells in books – "

"Wait, you mean you put your _spells_ in your _books?_ And you actually _teach_ the spells like they were math problems?"

Voldemort cackled like a loon. "Yes, and with the power of literature, we shall conquer the world! _Winguardium Leviosa!" _And just like that, Voldemort disappeared into thin air.

"Dude! That is _evil*(1)!"_

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I hope we're not missing much, sir…" said Ganondorf.

"Oh, quit your fanwank, boy. We still have much spying to do!"

Ganondorf sighed. "Yes, sir…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Back at Saturos' apartment…

"RABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLE!!!!" 

_Both _Alex and Saturos had been going at it like this for the past two or three scenes, neither side relenting in their strife to rabble. Finally, a female voice cut through the RABBLE!!!ing.

"_Guys, _I'm _trying _to listen!" said Menardi. Wait, Menardi?

Saturos and Alex both stopped their RABBLE!!!ing and turned towards Menardi, who sat on the couch, a PS2 controller in hand, and the Screen of Cut-scenes appeared on the TV screen.

Saturos turned to Alex. "Plot device?"

Alex turned to Saturos. "Plot device."

And so, the two shrugged, shook hands, and became bestest friends again. Next thing you know, the two had took a seat next to Menardi, and watched the cut-scene unfold. The tune to "Auron's Theme" started playing from the speakers as two men – a bleachy haired teenager and a man of 30 clad in red – appeared on the screen. The red-clad man took a swig from his trusty sake jug and stared at the bleachy haired teenager.

"10 years ago…" he began, "Jecht stood in this spot. And he attacked the shoopuff. Then he threw nuts at the squirrel, and took a leak at that tree. Then, he rode the shoopuff… proclaiming himself the king… of the shoopuffs… I'm _really _drunk*(2)"

Alex blinked. "Hey, that bleachy haired kid looks familiar…"

Suddenly, the cut-scene ended, and the sound of a news bulletin interrupting your favorite television program rang through their ears. A deep, hoarse voice sounded from the speakers. "We interrupt this video game…" - ( Yes, we can interrupt video games… we are THAT powerful, Alex … ) was subtext at the bottom – "…to bring you this special bulletin from your friendly neighborhood Evil Overlords of Evil…"

Saturos put his head in his hands. "Oh, spirits, no…"

Soon, Andross' head appeared on the screen. "Hello… is this thing on? Ganondorf, can't you do _anything _right?"

Pause.

"What do you mean 'we're on the air'?!"

Alex couldn't help but giggle like a schoolgirl.

Andross blushed madly. "Forget you saw that. Otherwise, I _shall eat your spamming soul! _But I'm getting ahead of myself." The floating head cleared his throat. "Hello, Alex! We of the Evil Overlords of Evil have realized that – lest you… get out of hand with your plans – you need guidance and good kick in the rear if you want to join our ranks. As such, we shall monitor your progress from now on. In fact, I think Ganondorf is checking out that blonde haired vixen right now…."

Silence.

Saturos calmly stood up, dusted himself off, and headed out of the door.

Silence again.

Several dirty words and curses were heard from outside the apartment, and the sound of a grown man screaming like a girl filled Alex and Menardi's ears. Then the sound of a man's balls being shattered, and the scream that follows came next. A flash of fire illuminated the night sky. The television screen went to static.

Two minutes later, Saturos calmly opened the apartment door, seated himself next to Menardi, and the two began kissing passionately. Alex just stared at them in disgust.

"Oh, get a room…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

*(1)- Except for a few changed lines, this belongs to Legendary Frog's "One Ring To Rule Them All2" Flash video.

*(2) – This, too, comes from a Legendary Frog Flash Video – this one entitled "Kerri's Big Invention".

Reviewer Responses 

**[ Joker's Specter ] ~ **_Well, this chapter introduces some new Evil Overlords – Ganondorf and Andross. Also, I think I might just have Menardi stick around just for some extra flavor. Another thing, no, Saturos isn't an Evil Overlord. I've only introduced seven so far, and beside the two introduced this chapter, the other five are: Sauron; Voldemort; Gendo Ikari; Sephiroth; and Bill Gates._

**[ The Faction's Lord ] ~ **_Ah. Thank you for pointing out my grammatical errors. Man, I reread chapter 2 and boy were there a lot of spelling/grammatical errors there…_

**Miranda L. ~ **_An Alex-luster, eh? Anyways, a bishounen is a character in an anime/game that comes from Asia that is ridiculously handsome – and in anime has huge, huge eyes and an unrealistically proportionate chin. And thank you for liking my writing style! ^^;_

**[ Alexandra Radcliffe ] ~ **_Yes, Alex really needs to get his Evil Priorities straight, doesn't he? ^^; And yes – Dullahan is as evil as they come. Man, don't you just hate the Boss That Is Harder Than the Final Boss? Moy…_

**[ magical-flying dragon ] ~ **_Thank you for adding me to your favorites list! As for Alex achieving his goal … well, I won't say; but I think writing about an organization of evil people is making _me _evil, so…_

Edit 3/21/04 – As it was brought to my attention by my three current reviewers for this chapter, yes, I forgot to lay the claims that two or three jokes in this chapter rightfully belong to Legendary Frog. Sorry – it slipped my mind last night as I was finishing this up. Anyways… yeah, I think that's about it.


	4. Day 3: I Like Trains!

It's time to update… enjoy… 

Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun, it's characters, and it's places. They belong to Camelot and Nintendo… or … do they?! 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex took a long, deep sip from his coffee.  
It was the morning after Saturos' little "incident" with his soon-to-be fellow Evil Overlords Ganondorf and Andross. Alex had no idea why his past partner-in-crime took Andross' comment so badly; there's nothing wrong with hitting on someone's girlfriend, right?  
After the trauma had finally subsided in Saturos' mind, the two Proxian lovers had locked themselves up in Saturos' bedroom, as Saturos had told Alex and quote "To do _stuff_" and unquote.  
Alex didn't even want to _know_ what kind of "stuff" they were talking about. He shuddered involuntarily.  
Anyway. Alex set his coffee back down on its kosher and flipped through the book Andross had sent him through the convienient plot hole that Saturos had installed in the ceiling last week: _Taking Over the World for Dummies, Volume I_.  
Alex eagerly flipped through the pages, looking for some new evil plans he could add onto the Evil Plan of Evil of Evil Overlord Evil A - ....oh, forget that. Finally, he stopped at a chapter that struck interest in him. "_Manipulation Advanced_.  
_Perfect!_ he thought, _I am the_ king _of manipulation, how hard could the Advanced level pose?_   
He threw his head back in pure evilness, and let out his - now trademarked - Evil Laugh.  
"_Muahaha-uhuhahuhahuha!_  
He immediately paused and lowererd his head. "Gosh dangit, it still needs work..." He carelessly shrugged it off and began producing several supplies out of thin air. He grinned and cracked his knuckles eagerly.  
"Skippi-dy do-dah, skippi-dy day! Time to take over the world to-day!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A few minutes later, the door to Saturos' bedroom opened. Alex jumped in his seat, and quickly added the final ingredients to the concoction. He shook it up, and poured it into a soda bottle. He turned his head and greeted his companions with a smile. "Good morning, o' fair Proxans!"

Saturos grumbled something inaudible and took a seat next to Alex at the breakfast table, Menardi clinging to his arm protectively. Her eyes shifted around the room, looking for any signs of rabid fangirl.

"Uh… is that really necessary, babe? I mean-" began the Proxan.

"Hush!" snapped Menardi, her ruby eyes darting in every which way possible. "I know they're here! I can bloody _smell_ them!"

Alex turned to Saturos, giving him a look that resembled a "What do you _see_in her" look. Saturos gave him a Glare of Death, and Alex promptly shut up.

"There!" shouted Menardi. She let loose a tiny ember out the window. Surprisingly, the sound of a teenage girl screaming was heard.

"Run, Dots-chan!"

"C'mon, girl!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!!"

Menardi grinned triumphantly and snuggled her head onto Saturos' shoulder. The blue-haired Proxan just recoiled his head in utter shock. "Mood swing…" he murmured.

"Yeah…" said Alex. 

Menardi lifted her head from her lover's shoulder and stared at the bottle Alex had left on the table. "Is that…Vanilla Coke…?!"

Alex looked down and indeed, he had placed his concotion inside a Vanilla Coke bottle, surprisingly. 

And Alex started having a thought - an evil, evil one at that.

"Why, yes Menardi…it _is_ Vanilla Coke, isn't it?" He pushed the bottle in her direction. "Care to have some?"

Saturos cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing. Menardi unscrewed the bottle and lifted her head over the bottle. A pause.

Menardi stuck her nose into the bottle, and literally _inhaled_ the Vanilla Coke. All of it.

Saturos' eyes were the size of tennis balls. "_Holy_ Mars…!"

As soon as Menardi was done, er, inhaling the Vanilla Coke, she stumbled backwards, and clutched her head.

"See, I don't think the Coca-Cola Company ever had the intention of letting people inhale caffeine," said Alex very matter-of-factly. Saturos glared at him some more, and Alex backed down.

"Sweetie?" said Saturos. He rose from his seat and put his arms on his lover's shoulders. "You're alright, right?"

Menardi continued to stagger backwards, unaware of everything going around her.

Saturos glowed crimson. He spun around, and pointed a finger at Alex, "_This is all your fault!_"

Alex raised his finger. "Ah, _au contraire, mon frère_ –"

"I'm not your brother, stupid."

"- … shut up. That isn't the point! The point is – " but he was interrupted by the sight of Menardi, who had stopped clutching her head.  
Instead, she was convulsing profusedly and was twitching like a madman. Her eyes twitched like crazy – an obvious sign of caffeine overload. Saturos changed his expression of fury into one of concern. "Menny!" he rushed to her aid, "what did that mean old Alex do to you?"

"Hey!"

Menardi opened her eyes. Twitch. "I…"

"Yes, what is it, dearie?"

"I…I…_I…_"

"What?! You don't have cancer, do you?!"

Alex beamed. "Ah, soap operas."

"_I like trains!_" Menardi suddenly shouted. 

"Wha-" began Saturos.

"I like trains!" she said again, and fell into a fit of giggles. "I like trains! I like trains! I like trains! I like trains!"

Saturos backed away slowly, and shook his fist at Alex.

"Don't look at me!" his friend shouted back.

Saturos laughed nervously, "Look…honey…yeah, you like trains…that's nice…now, come sit on Satty's lap…"

Menardi giggled again and produced her scythe out of thin air.

"…uh oh…"

"I like trains!" she said, and took a swing at Saturos' head. 

"_Duck and cover!_" shouted Alex, and the two friends ducked down as fast as they could. Menardi fell into another fit of giggles. She ran over to the wall and began to hack n' slash with her scythe, creating a huge hole in it.

"_I like trains!!!_" she shouted as she jumped into the city.

Saturos and Alex quickly rose from the floor. Saturos spun around and glared at Alex very hatefully. "What did you _do_ to her?!"

Alex scratched his chin. "Odd. The potion was supposed to make her fall in love with me…ACK!" Alex immediately found himself being choked to death by Saturos. The Proxans eyes burned hatefully, and Alex could've sworn he saw an inferno of hate burning in his ruby eyes. Alex's face turned as blue as his hair, if not bluer. 

"You son of a feminine canine! How _dare_ you do that to poor Menny! Why, if I could have my way – "

"Can't…breathe…"

"- then you wouldn't even have been _born_, you dirty person! And I swear by the name of Mars, – "

"Suffocating…"

"-Kirin, Meteor, _and_ Tiamat that I _will kill you!!_"

"…dark…ness…"

Saturos reluctantly released his grip on Alex's throat and took several deep breaths. 

Alex chuckled. "Relax, Saturos. I know how to reverse the effects of that potion…OF EVIL!!!"

Saturos punched him in the face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Several minutes later, Alex was back on his feet, and a black eye the size of Texas. "Okay. So you have some pent up rage…"

"Shut up before I stab your face off.*"

"…but they have help for people like you." Saturos' body enveloped itself in the same eerie crimson glow, and Alex began to laugh nervously. "Of course, you don't need it Saturos…hehehe…hahaha!" The aura surrounding Saturos faded, and Alex let loose a sigh of relief.

"Look. We can look for her."

Saturos blinked. "We don't know where the _heck_ she is now, man…" 

"I'm aware of that. Which is why such a thing called a 'plot device' exists in this world. Observe!" He snapped his fingers, and the TV set in the apartment immediately turned on.

"This is WBC – the Weyard Broadcasting Company – News at 9. I'm Weya Allgunadai, and I'm coming to you LIVE from … somewhere! In breaking news, a strange, temperamental Proxan has appeared in the park, beheading random people for no apparent reason and shouting 'I like trains!' every second or so. The police have tried to subdue this woman, which we will go to now…"

_…"Halt!" shouted a policeman, pointing his dinky handgun at Menardi. Menardi was laughing like a loon, and stumbled her way over to the police force._

_"Don't come any closer! We _will _shoot!" said the leader._

_"I like trains?" said Menardi, tilting her head._

_"Er…" said the head policeman, looking at his fellow officers, "…yes…we come in peace! We like trains, too!"_

_Menardi was silent for a moment. She blinked and hunched her scythe over her shoulder._

_WOOSH! Off went the leader's head._

_The psycho-Proxan laughed again. "_I _like trains! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" WHAM! Some random bodies just lost their heads._

_The camera focused back on Weya Allgunadai. "As you can see, the situation looks pretty grim. We are all going to be beheaded horribly, painfully, and …well, not slowly…rather quickly, actually…anyways, I'm Weya Allgunadai, and here is Rei Ni Deis with the weather."_

The TV went off. Saturos grimached. "Oooh, boy. Alex, what the _eff_ did you put in that bottle?"

Alex scratched his chin. "Oh, you know. Three bags of sugar, some AXE aerospray, various illegal substances, a dissolved Cupid's arrow…funny, Cupid's arrow doesn't have much effect on Proxans…"

"Oh, stow it," said Saturos, "let's just go save Menny."

"Aye-aye, lover boy."

"I'll stab you in the shins if you don't just shut up."

"Agreed."

Saturos nodded and grabbed Alex's hand. The blue-haired bishounen shut his eyes and focused his extensive powers onto a simple Teleport spell, and the two disappeared in a flash of blue light.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Faster then a seagull to food, Saturos and Alex appeared in the chaos that was the park. Firemen were hosing down burning foliage, children were crying, the sky was as black as night, and lightning flashed in the sky.

Alex had a huge grin on his face right now.

"Oh, _gods_, yes! I had _no_ idea that a single fluke could turn out so perfect! Ha-ha!" he laughed triumphantly. "Chaos. Disorder. Truly I am good enough to be an Evil Overlord!"

Suddenly, by the will of that crazy higher being known as an "author", Saturos was suddenly wearing a Philosophy!Hat. "Ah, but when you say you are _good_ at being _Evil, _aren't you reinstating yourself?"

Alex blinked. "Wha?"

The sage-like Saturos raised his pointer finger. "By saying that you are good at being evil, you are really just redefining who you are. As such, one cannot be _bad_ at the metaphysical representation of the concept of _good._ Therefore, it is only natural that one can only be _good_ at being good, and _bad_ at being evil." He lowered his index finger in a very sage-like manner.

Alex clutched his head instinctively. "My braaaaaaain hurts…."

The Philosophy!Hat disappeared from Saturos' head, and he stumbled a bit, dizzy. "Woah…I feel like… I just lost alotta smarts… that are in the … brain …"

"Er, right, Satty. Now, do you want to save Menardi or not?"

Saturos suddenly looked heroic. "Avast, ye lad! I shallth beth rescueth thy fair lady. Tally-ho!" and he rushed off to find his beloved.

Alex scratched his head. "Uh…you're going the wrong way!" he called out. The Mercury Adept let out a yelp as a fireball was aimed towards his head and promptly ducked.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I like trains! I like trains!" shouted Menardi, beheading another random passerby. She giggled again, and spun around dizzily. "I like trains!"

Saturos and Alex popped their heads out from the bush. "Well, I think it's safe to say we've found her." Said Alex.

"Indeed."

The two friends leapt out of the bush and ran towards Saturos' beloved. The blonde haired vixen let out another deranged laugh and raised her scythe. "I like trains!"

"Yes…we _know_ you do, honey…" said Saturos. He turned to Alex. "So, what's this plan of yours?"

"Oh, nothing much." Shrugged Alex. "Just involves me trying to dispel the concoction –"

"Sounds simple enough!" said Saturos.

" – and lots of pain on your part."

"…that _doesn't_ sound so good anymore. But, anything to save Menny. I guess." Saturos drew his sword and he and Menardi began an epic battle of LURVE. Jeez, that was cheesy. Anyway, scythe clashed against sword as the two lovers fought each other – one bitterly and sorrowfully, the other with glee and insanity. All the while, Alex was in a meditating position, chanting something inaudible. His body was soon enveloped in a light blue glow. Time seemed to slow down as he rose from the ground and raised his hand.

"_Halt!"_ he shouted.

Menardi became as stiff as a board, and fell to the ground. She was cured.

"_What?!_" shouted Saturos, "that's _it?!_" 

Alex chuckled nervously. "Well, uh…yeah, it is. See… hey, don't look at me like that!" he said, trying his best to avoid the fire that was shooting out of Saturos' eyes. "It isn't easy trying to cast a spell that isn't of your alignment in a few seconds! It takes awhile!"

"Yes, but this _could have been avoided completely_ if it weren't for _you!_" he shouted. He raised his hand and cast a small Flare spell on Alex. The Mercury Adept's hair soon was covered in tiny embers.

"Ooooh, my hair's on fire!" he said blissfully, totally unaware of  his situation. Saturos blinked, shrugged, and lifted his beloved onto his shoulder. He stroke her hair carefully and started to make his way back to the apartment, Alex close behind. It wasn't long until –

"_My hair's on fire!!!_" shouted Alex, running around in circles frantically and flailing his arms wildly.

Saturos smirked. "Sucker."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

* ~ Comes from 8-Bit Theater's Black Mage.

Reviewer Responses 

**[ Pureauthor ] **_~ Well, hope this chapter constitutes enough Evil on Alex's part for you._

**[ Joker's Specter ] **_~ Well, I used a lot of Menardi in this chapter b'cause she was just introduced rather abruptly and all. Also, I don't really know if I should include Bowser or not. He may be the father of video game villains, but he hasn't done anything notedly evil…_

**[ The Faction's Lord ] **_~ Yeah, well, Legendary Frog's stuff is so good that it makes great opportunities to rip on! ^_^;;_

**[ Lu Xun 88 ] **_~ Since when did you change your penname? 0_o;; Er, anyway, glad you like this idea, but yet you hate Alex. I guess this appeals to both Alex-lusters and haters, after all._

**[ Vyctori ] **_~ O_O WOW! You reviewed my fanfic! Suh-weet. Yes, Alex really _is _disturbingly pathetic in this story, huh? And as you said earlier this week, I'm glad you think that this story is absolute genius! ::dances::_

**Frostic one **_~ Mm. Bill Gates is the evil. Must kill._

**[ Allexandra Radcliffe ] **_~ Yeah, well, I wasn't sure about the Proxshipping at first, but I decided to go along with it anyway. And there's no need to think of evil people; I already have all the Evil Overlords decided. ::evil grin::_

**[ Bass GSX ] **_~ Ready and updated!_

**[ magical-flyingdragon ] **_~ Agreed. I definitely _have _had some more evil tendencies since I began writing this._

**[ DarkSora ] **_~ Yeah, Alex can be pretty cool – depending on the situation. _

_That about wraps up this chapter. Will Alex ever succeed in his plans for Evil? Let's hope not. ^^;_

_Now, review, lest you suffer stabbity death._


	5. Day 5: Blondes Have More Fun, Anyway

_Woo… new chapter… hooray!_

_So, let's check up on our favorite inept villain and see how his plans for DA EVIL are going, no?_

Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun, at all, truly I don't. It belongs to it's respective owner(s). 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Saturos blinked and turned his head towards the door to Alex's bedroom.

It had been one full day since the horrid catastrophe of when Saturos burned all of Alex's hair off – his precious. The bishounen had gone into crying fits, cursing the world for being so cruel to him and for destroying the most beautiful hair to ever grace a video game, cartoon, book, whatever – it doesn't matter, take your pick, he had said – and had promptly locked himself inside his room.

Menardi had recovered nicely after her rather abrupt cure. The blonde vixen couldn't remember a single thing about her rampage throughout the city, but found it odd that she now had a distinctive hate for Vanilla Coke. With Alex locked up in his room, Saturos had immediately seized the opportunity for some "romance" and asked Menardi if she wanted to go ride a train. The following is a selection from what followed afterward.

"Satty! You _know _how much I hate trains!"

"But-"

"Oh, I knew it!! You don't love me after all!" Thus began the many hours of crying on Menardi's part, and much seething on Saturos' part, muttering something that oddly sounded like "Kill Alex, kill Alex…"

Thus brings us up to speed with the present day. Thank you for your patience.

Saturos blinked again and furrowed his brow. "Uh… Alex?"

Menardi put her coffee mug down. "He still in there?"

"Apparently…"

Menardi sighed and shoved him. The blue-haired Proxan growled and turned to his beloved. "What?!"

Menardi put her hands on her hips. "Well, you _are _the man in this relationship, doesn't that mean you're the leader?"

"Well, I-"

"Then, go _in there!_" With a powerful shove, Menardi thrusted Saturos forward…

…and right through Alex's bedroom door. Menardi cringed at the sight of a whole the shape of Saturos' body impaled through the door. "Satty…sweetie?" she called.

No response. 

Menardi blinked and kicked her lover lightly in the stomach. "Wake up, Satty!"

No response.

Menardi's expression turned feral. "_Wake up, gosh darnit!!_"

No response.

Menardi growled and ignited Saturos' body into flames.

No response.

Dumbfounded, Menardi walked through the hole in the door – while stepping over Saturos' body, of course – and into Alex's bedroom. She nearly burst out giggling when she saw it.

Alex's room was decorated with many pictures of himself in many ridiculous and "sexy" poses, obviously from Alex's early attempt of being a model before he became interested in the Evil business. There were also many self-portraits of himself, in which he made himself even _more _"bish" then he already was. 

_If this evil thing doesn't work out, he can always become a painter, at least_, Menardi thought.

She turned his head towards his dresser, which was decorated with many different hair products used for the care and maintenance of his blue hair. Menardi couldn't believe what she saw. He had more hair care and styling products then she – and she thought _she _went overboard with such things!

She walked over to his dresser, and noticed a letter lying on the wooden top. Curious, she picked up. 

_Dear Saturos and Menardi,_

_My hair is destroyed. It's gone, and there isn't a power contained within the quintessence of Alchemy that can restore it. The most beautiful thing to ever grace the human race has been destroyed. I've never felt so sad in my life. I feel as though I have no will to go on; like my life has no meaning anymore…_

_…I think I feel a poem coming on…_

_No! Must not become goth; anything but that!!_

_But I must prevail! I have fangirls, gosh darnit! Fangirls that love to see my beautiful, beautiful self! What will they do if they see me without my luxurious locks? Why, they may become Felix, Piers, or Isaac fangirls! Or, worse, _Garet _fangirls ( Poor things ). _

_As such, I am putting my quest for evil on hold until my beautiful hair is restored. _

_Tootles!_

_Your Friendly Neighbor Hood Evil Overlord Except Not Yet Because I'm Not an Official Evil Overlord But I Will Be Because I Will Pass the Test They Have Given Me,_

_~Alex._

"Nutter." Said Menardi, rolling her eyes. She put the letter down and lifted Saturos on to her shoulder.

"Ssh, it's okay, baby, Menny's here…" With that, she exited Alex's room.

Little did she know…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Clad in black ninja outfit, Alex carefully clung to the ceiling. Not out of skill or anything – he just didn't have any ninja skills to begin with. The poor Adept dug his fingers into the ceiling, trying to keep himself from letting go.

_Creak!_

Alex whimpered as a small crack began forming around the area where his fingers and toes were lodged into the ceiling.

_Creak!_

"No…" he murmured, "not now…"

Suddenly, everything surrounding Alex froze in time, and four glowing orbs – yellow, red, blue, and purple, respectively – surrounded Alex. 

"Alex…" they spoke in unison, "would you like it if we prevented your fall and many boo-boos?"

Alex squealed and let go of the ceiling…

…and fell to the floor. With a loud _SQUISH_ sound, Alex found himself sprawled all over the floor, his organs rearranged in alphabetical order. No, seriously; they did.

"Heh, sucker." Said the orbs, and they vanished into who-knows-where.

Time restarted, and Alex shook his fist at the ceiling. "Curse you, foolish Djinn! Curse you to heck and back again!"

Several bystanders stared at Alex. Alex stood up and with a quick Ply, rearranged his organs back into their normal spots. He noticed the bystanders. "What? Never seen a guy being tricked by Djinn before?!"

The bystanders slowly backed away from Alex and his insanity. He grinned triumphantly, and turned his attention to the shelves of haircare products before him.

"Now, let's see… what to pick, what to pick…"

"Ahem."

Alex turned around to see a scantily-clad woman with light purple hair and makeup on her face. She was carrying a basket of other hair products, as well as other makeup. "Yes?" Said Alex.

"You're standing in my way. I _need _that conditioner, y'know."

"Oh! My deepest apologies, miss." Alex sidestepped out of the woman's way, and the woman grabbed the item from the shelf. As she headed towards the cashier, she turned to Alex and scowled.

"I'm a man, by the way. Name's Kuja." Kuja walked away, whistling the tune to "Kuja's Theme". Alex stood there for a few moments, trying to process the information just relayed to him. He slowly raised his hands to his eyes.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah! My eyes! They _burn _with the most awesome of powers! The pain, the pain!!" He started walking backwards, and into the products on the shelves. "His prettiness rivals that of my own! It's not fair!" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A few minutes later, Alex was at the cashier. "Excuse me, miss," he started, "but you could please tell me where the Rogaine is kept?"

The cashier turned to him. She was a young woman of seventeen with long auburn hair and muddled red-brown eyes.

Jenna.

Alex blinked. "Oh…uh, hi…"

Jenna stared at him blankly. "Sorry, sir, but we're out of Rogaine. Please try another store. We at CVS send you our deepest apologies!"

Under his s00pah-cool ninja hood, Alex frowned. "Oh, darn. Thank you for your time, then."

Silence.

"This never happened, Alex."

"Agreed."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex sighed. He had just left the CVS and sat on the concrete miserably. There was no way his beautiful hair could be restored now. His fangirls were as good as lost, the poor things…

"Alex?" said a voice. "That you?"

Alex turned his head to see Isaac standing behind him, a bottle of a strange orange liquid in his hands. "Oh. Hi, Isaac."

"Yo."

"Can't you see I'm _brooding _here, as in I'm _sulking _and basically channeling thoughts of pure rage and anger unto every living thing on Weyard?"

Isaac shrugged. "No, but you look a little upset. Now, I know you tried to be evil and everything, but I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. So, I heard from Saturos that you had a little hair problems, so I brought you this!" Isaac handed over the bottle. "Kraden says that this will regrow all of the hair on your head."

Alex's face brightened up under the ninja hood. "_Really? _Oh, wow, Isaac! Thank you so much!" Alex stood up from the concrete and held the bottle up to the sky. "With this bottle, I, Alex, shall once again become a bishounen and soon become the undisputed Evil Overlord of Evil from Golden Sun! Mwu eh heh heh heh hehe!" The Mercury Adept continued his inane laughing and teleported in a stream of light.

Isaac blinked. "Dang, he's gotta work on that evil laugh…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, Alex woke up extremely happy. After drinking the contents the bottle the night before, he was overjoyed to feel that his head had some hair on it again. Grinning happily, he walked over to his mirror, and his jaw dropped.

While the potion had restored his hair, Alex was horrified to find out that his hair had been changed from aqua blue to a bright…peroxide…

_"Blonde?! Blonde! Why is my hair blonde?!_" Seething, he reached for the bottle and read the label. Rogaine Bleach. Isaac had tricked him!

Alex grit his teeth. "The insolent fool! Pulling a prank on _me, _Alex, the Overlord of Evil! How dare he trick me like this!" He began to laugh creepily. "Yes…yes…he'll pay, alright…mirror, mirror on the wall, show me, define me… I am the ultimate telemorasel!!" He suddenly paused and slapped himself silly.

"Bad Alex. Bad, bad, bad. No more ripping off other lines of other villains. Bad, bad, me…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the other side of town, Isaac opened his eyes after a good night sleep. However, he felt something… odd about his bed. He looked around the room, trying to find out his situation.

Observation 1: He was naked.

Observation 2: He was handcuffed to Jenna.

Observation 3: Jenna was naked.

Conclusion 1: Somehow, they had ended up in the same bed.

He turned his head towards the doorway, and visibly paled.

Observation 4: Felix stood in the doorway.

Observation 5: Felix looked pissed off.

Observation 6: Felix had his sword drawn.

Conclusion 2: I was going to die.

"ISAAC! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN BED WITH MY SISTER?!"

"Wait, Felix, I can explain!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARENSEMBLE!!!"

"Not the face! Not the face!

BOOM, CRACK, SMASH!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Back on the other side of town, Alex was laughing evilly.

Sometimes, blondes really do have more fun.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Reviewer Responses

[ Lord Isaac ] _~ Thanks for the compliments. Yet another one who finds Bill Gates as an Evil Overlord to be genius. Thanks!_

[ Joker's Specter ] _~ Y'know, you were the only one who commented on the names of the reporter and weatherman. Kudos to you, my friend! Sorry, no new Evil Overlords this chapter._

[ Bass GSX ] _~ Trust me, the world does not even know the horrors of drinking a whole bottle of Vanilla Coke. I speak from experience. Kids, it's like drugs – don't do it._

[ MercuryAdept ] _~ Thanks. I've always done bits of humorous romance, but thanks for the complement anyway. And another one who thinks Bill Gates is evil. Cool._

[ Evil Bob ] _( Chapter 2 ) ~ 'Course Alex isn't good at being evil. He never did anything evil in the first place, so it's unknown of how truly evil he is. Glad you liked the idea of calling Dullahan "Frank"._

[ Allexandra Radcliffe ] _~ And he still has an even longer way to go. It isn't easy being evil._

[ The Faction's Lord ] _~ Actually, "I like trains!" is a play on FF8's Selphie, who had a song about how she liked trains. No, really. She did._

MK _~ Thanks for the compliment._

[ Yoshimi Takahashi ] _~ You? Sue-happy? Now, Yoshimi, that's a scary thought indeed. It doesn't matter of Alex becomes the EVIL SPAWN OF EVILNESS in the end anyway; won't change Vyctori's opinion of him. ^^;_

[ Pyrodragon 88 ] _~ Trust me, a psychotic Menardi is _very _fun to write, believe me. Also, feel free to do the X-2 parody; I've got too many projects I'd like to do and get done in the long run, so by all means, do it._

[ magical-flyingdragon ] _~ Well, I had Isaac, Jenna, and Felix in this chapter, so I hope that counts…!_

_Now, this is the part of the chapter where I'm supposed to threaten you, the reviewers, with threats of bodily harm and pain to review my fanfic. Now, if you'll all just be wary of the landmines…_

_[ EXPLOSION! ]_

_…I really need to get paid for this sort of thing._


End file.
